An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize