Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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