call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
