Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
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