I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
