Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
