just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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