How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
