Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
