$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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