I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
