i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
