My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
