But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
