I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
