Got a toothbrush?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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