how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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