Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
