Just fell off a train. Bad.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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