I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Acid is not a monday night drug
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So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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