dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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