There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
