Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
