I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
