Please, let me fuck your mom
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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