How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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