i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
