With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
