how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
