ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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