I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
