He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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