so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
