I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
