I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
