Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
