And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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