At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha