that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet