Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible