Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.