i love accidental penises.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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