bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I love black thongs
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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