their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
