How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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