I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
