ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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