"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
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About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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