so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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