dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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