He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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