hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
