I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
last night I used snow as a chaser
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
