You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
