porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
