too bad you live with your parents still
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
