My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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