Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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