so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
