So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
