I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
