yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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