I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
