so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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