My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
