I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize