"it" just moved
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
